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  A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO’S THERE WHEN THEY NEED YOU.

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  Distant relatives are the best kind, and the further the better.

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  Do not eat yellow snow.

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  Dogs have masters, cats have a staff.

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  Families are like fudge, mostly sweet… with a few nuts

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  Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.

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  home sweet home, must surely have been written by someone who is single.

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  I never get lost, I just change where it is that I want to go.

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  IF YOU ARRIVE LATE FOR WORK, MAKE UP FOR IT BY LEAVING EARLY.

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  If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

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  Kids are like farts, you can only tolerate your own.

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  LET US NOT FORGET THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS, SANTA’S BIRTHDAY

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  Love is not the moan of a violin, it is the twang of a bedspring.

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  NOBODY IS PERFECT. I AM NOBODY. THEREFORE, I AM PERFECT.

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  The more people I meet the more I like dogs.

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  What is most impressive about parents is the way they obey their chilldren.

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